On Depression

I have lived with depression most of my life. It’s not something I like to admit and to be honest, this is something I have been deeply ashamed of for most of my life. After all, what is so wrong with my life that I can’t just find the joy in it?

I can’t actually remember a time where I didn’t feel like something was wrong with me. There have been ups and downs throughout the years, but they were mostly downs if I’m being honest with myself. I have whole years missing that I cannot remember for the life of me. And I’m not talking about early childhood years that most of us can only remember vague things. I’m talking about recent times, like three or four years ago. It’s all just a grey haze of nothingness. For years, I suffered in silence, my few attempts at reaching out for help were futile. It got to the point where I was going to do something stupid.

There is a reason why I’m bringing all of this up, so I’ll get right to the point. I was given some of the best advice I hope I can incorporate into my life: You don’t have to accept it. You don’t have to just give into the depression and accept that this is the ‘normal’ for you. You deserve to experience happiness. You deserve to exist. You don’t have to suffer in silence.

I’m with you. 

WIP Wednesday

“I’m totally going to do some recon for you.”

Gabi knew she was going to regret telling Summer about him. Of course she was. Feeling her heart freeze in her chest, she looked up from the sketch she was working on, her eyes rounded with sheer terror. Gabi set her pencil down deliberately before glancing at the blonde who was currently lounging on her tattoo chair. “Um, no you’re not.”

Summer’s shiny pink lips curved upwards, mirth radiating from her in droves. “Yes. I’m totally doing this for you.”

“Summer.”

She slid off of the chair, rolling her bare ivory shoulders at the panicking tattoo artist. “It’s already decided,” Summer informed her as she headed out of her work space and for the front of the parlor. Gabi could feel her heart lurch into her throat in horror.

“No, no it’s not.” Gabi rose from her own seat, trailing after her best friend. “Come on, Summer. Be reasonable.”

“It’ll be fine, I promise.” She just waved Gabi off as she reached for the door. “Besides, it’s better to know now if he’s spoken for or not. It’ll save you some hurt down the road.”

“What road! I have no intention of going down any road!”

 

Update

“Kara?” At the inquisitive voice of her roommate, Waverly, Kara pocketed her black gloves. She took a moment to hang up her coat and keys, brushing the loose chestnut locks of her hair behind her ear. She uttered a brief curse under her breath at the thought  that it was a good idea to wear a dress today with a cold front coming in.

“Yeah, it’s me,” she called back in response, her voice taking a light teasing tone as she asked, “Were you expecting anyone else?”

“No, no.”  With a snort, Kara followed the sound of her roommate’s voice into the kitchen, spotting the kindergarten teacher immediately at the island.