what you don’t see
is that my shoulders
are hunched
from the weight of my agony
as I try to blink out of existence
(finding the will to live can be exhausting)
Tag: Depression
And so it begins…
As of this afternoon, I am an officially published author. Currently, I’m not entirely sure how to feel about this new development. I mean, I’m happy because I’ve wanted to write and get published since I was a child but I’m also terrified at the same time.
I had been pushing off the release date for a while now because the thought of finishing my book caused me anxiety. Butterflies had been (and they’re still at it as I write this post) assaulting my innards for the last several hours but I knew I had to do it. So, I ripped off the band aid and submitted the book. It is now available on Amazon in eBook format and paperback (feel free to head over and purchase a copy of my book if you’re interested).
A Journey (Still in Progress) is a poetry book that details my experiences of surviving life with severe depression that had-until recently-been completely untreated (and it was—and is a very bad idea to let it go as far as I had). I didn’t write for over two years when it’s something that I love and feel passion for.
I’m going to just take a quick moment to say that if you are dealing with a mental illness, please keep it in check. It doesn’t make you crazy just because you can’t feel happy all of the time or because your brain doesn’t produce chemicals you need. It had affected every single aspect of my life and I almost lost that uphill battle. Please take care of yourselves because you do matter. I just wanted to mention that in the event that anyone needed to be reminded.
I’ll never stop fighting for you
The first two years were a blur
Most days spent wallowing
As I allowed the darkness to drown me
Suck me into it’s depths
Swallow me whole
It wasn’t until you came along—my first child
That I fought back
Forcing myself back into reality
To become the mother you deserved
-Dominica Bolden
Lie to me
You are beautiful
-Dominica Bolden
Speculation
Sometimes I wonder if they know
Know that behind this false exterior,
That thin eggshell-like protection of mine
Not even worth your time cracking,
There is a girl fighting
Struggling against herself
A girl wanting to live
Die
It’s all the same
Sometimes I wonder if they see
See the tears I am so desperate to hide
Ones I must lie about.
No option.
No other way.
I don’t want the questions
Sometimes I wonder if they can hear
Hear the screams locked up in my head
Forever echoing
Ringing in my ears
Hear them
Listen
Listen
LISTEN!
So you hear them?
No you don’t.
Of course not.
Sometimes I wonder if they know
It
She
Her
Me
This girl
She is me
They will only see what they will
But I want to know
Am I,
This girl,
Am I worth fighting for?
-Dominica Bolden
Sadness. Laughter.
I’ve seen the scars that adorn your arms
the pain of your soul etched into your skin
bared for the world
a small glimpse into the agony you harbor.
-Dominica Bolden
